I got myself a whole collection of sighs today. Yep, those big breathy noises we make when life is trying to suck the air out of our brains. Our family is going through one of those tiny little bits of life that will inevitably have a big impact on our future. I can't really chat it up about what's WRONG nor do I feel inclined to go on and on about what's RIGHT, but I can say that it's just weird.
It's weird that I want to stay home and not be anywhere else.
It's weird that my husband calls to talk and then I decide to argue
It's weird that I have every good intention of making the best of something and then somehow, I completely obliterate it until I can't even recognize what I was trying to do in the first place.
It's weird that the spiritual food I've been eating for months hasn't been filling me up. At all. I wonder if I'm subconsciously tossing it to the dog instead of taking it for myself
It's weird that I need more from myself. I want something deeper. I crave fulfillment and purpose. I need focus.
I miss my friends. And maybe that's something I'm lacking - because when I'm with them I feel great. When I'm alone, I feel like crap. I guess it's because my friends say nicer things to me than I do to myself, eh?
I have a checklist in my mind of things I know I want to start doing again. I also have a list of things in my life that I want to ERASE so that they don't bother me so much anymore and drag me down. Not necessarily a person, but things and duties and yes... I suppose even people.
I've was recently inspired by Marcus Buckingham. He spoke to several thousand women like me this past weekend at a Women of Faith Conference. He talked about all sorts of things that were VERY applicable to my life as it is right now, but I came away with one sure thing. I know I need to take advantage of his idea to make a list of all the things in my life, in one week, that I either LOVE or LOATHE.
Then systematically, I can pluck the things I loathe from my life, while putting more energy into those things I love. The things I do that I love, are quite clearly, my gifts - my talents - my inspirations. In those things, I can do positive work. I can be a positive person. I can SAY positive things. I want to be positive... I love it :) I'm writing down "Blogging" on my "love it" list right now.