Saturday, March 14, 2009

Things I've Learned from 13 Year Olds

I'm off at the coast this weekend, spending time with my daughter, who just turned 13, and her friend. It's my daughter's BIG FUN EVENT in lieu of a giant birthday party with clowns. Instead, she gets her mother (the clown) and a giant bunch of terrible weather. Whee!
The following, are some original thoughts by ME about what I've learned so far... *take notes all you mothers of "tweens"!*


Planning to entertain 13 year olds for a weekend is like walking into a ballroom with your dress stuck in your pantyhose. No matter how much preparation, expense and anticipation goes into all of it, you're still gonna look like a complete loser. A loser with a dorky grin on your face.


Eating Cool Ranch Doritos and chocolate pudding at the same time is gross.
It just is. Trust me, and don't try it at home. *shudder*


Buying groceries is a waste of money. What looks good at the store all the sudden becomes "Eww, I never said I liked that!" the minute you get back to a location where you can COOK the food. Instead, options like McDonalds are now suddenly ok, when at home, they were NOT ok, EVER. Instead they were "Ewww!"


If you act like you can't hear what they are saying in the backseat, then you don't have to explain how you know what those things mean.


Buying their clothes suddenly becomes LOTS more fun when they are doing it with their own hard-earned birthday cash.


Letting a couple of girls buy neon-colored fishnet stockings, and actually WEAR them with tennis shoes and shorts during a complete downpour, means that whenever someone looks at them, you'll feel like they are judging you. You will probably be right. Plus, you will come home much more humiliated humble than before.


Ordering a bright, unnaturally pink cotton candy milkshake will get you huge kudos. Even if it tastes like complete garbage, choke it down.


You should never buy anything for yourself when you all go out to eat. They will order huge quantities of food, eat a fourth of it, and there will be more than enough for you to eat when they are done picking at it, and criticizing it.


Spending a lot of money isn't necessary. Just mention that everything they are interested in having YOU buy probably comes from other countries that don't care about lead poisoning, or it is made by little kids in a sweat shop. Point out that no recycled materials were used, and that they probably tested their products on animals. You can save hundreds of dollars this way.


The kid who just a week earlier wouldn't let you set foot on the same side of the HOUSE while she was showering, now suddenly has no problem getting dressed and undressed in the middle of the livingroom. With the shutters open.


No matter HOW much you let them have space to just "hang out" or do some "chillaxin", they will invariably come back to you proclaiming severe boredom right when you're in the middle of a good book. There is no cure.

THESE are the things I've learned from 13 year olds.
And it's just my small list. God help us all.


Livy said...

I need a nap now... they exhausted me and I wasn't even there. LOL

Angela said...

I LOVED this post......Shaneah will be 13 in August. As we were going for our walk the other day she says,,'I need to plan for my birthday. You KNOW I love to plan ahead of time. I think I want a 50's theme party. I love that time. I love how they dressed'...LOL....

Beth E. said...

I've been through - and I'm going through - the teen years with boys. What words of wisdom could I share with you? Buckle up,'s gonna be a bumpy ride! LOL j/k

This was a great post...loved it! :o)

He And Me + 3 said...

OK, I have a 9 year old girl and some of that I can already identify with. ugh. looks like the teen years should be a blast:)

heidi said...

Oh man..LOL Sorry that I laughed at you throughout the post. I'm only sorry because Sienna turns 10 in a couple of weeks and some of this applies to us, as well, so I can relate.