1. It was not me, that lost track of the days of the week AGAIN because it's Christmas break and I just pretty much cleared my whole calendar of everything. I mean everything! I even forgot to look at the clock and when 3 a.m. showed it's face on more than three nights last week, I just pretended not to notice.
2. It was not me that lost my wallet on New Year's Eve. It's also NOT ME that refuses to carry a purse anymore because it makes my shoulder hurt... so I stick with only hauling around my wallet and my cell phone... in my pants pockets. Now that looks attractive. I didn't offer to find a neutral looking purse so my husband would be willing to carry it for me. I wouldn't do that, or even think about it. Or keep thinking about it as of this minute.
4. I did NOT authorize cheesecake for breakfast one day last week. It's not my fault that the in-laws backed out on our Christmas get-together and we were stuck with this massive sized cheesecake that we didn't want to share with anyone after all. I also didn't back out on their make-up plan a few days later because they were making a ham. I hate ham.
5. Who on the WORLD brought a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade to the New Years Eve party? It was NOT me. How was I to know that our entire small group from CHURCH (plus guests) would drink up most of it either. What's this world coming to? (And it also wasn't ME that checked to make sure that nobody had more than one either. I'm not obsessive or nosey - not in the least)
5. I also did not spend the last three days holed up in my recliner working off the effects of bronchitis and actually ENJOY getting to do that so I could play around with more blog designs for my backacherdesigns blog. I also didn't just throw in a shameless plug. Good grief! What's wrong with me?
6. I am NOT laughing at the most of you who will look BACK UP my list and see that I did two number fives, and realize you didn't even catch it. You're tired too, aren't ya? Either that or you took two Hard Lemonades and you're not telling me.
7. And last but certainly not least, I did NOT tell my friend over instant messenger that I coughed (remember the bronchitis?) and then swallowed - which caused her gag reflex to kick in big time just because of my disgusting storytelling. Sorry 'bout that friend... I'm not like that in real life and I feel bad if you really did throw up. And wet your pants.
For more public humiliation therapy, head on over to MckMama's place. If you can handle it.