Oh boy, this hurts.
1. It was NOT ME that thought it would be fun to take the dogs for a walk today, and then as USUAL, our punk dog ran off and didn't want to come back.
2. It was NOT ME, that decided we should visit our chickens, while waiting for above punk dog to return from his escapades, and then miss my mark when walking into the coop.
3. It also was NOT ME that missed the step by a long shot, and fell headlong into the chicken coop, flailing about and landing as ungracefully as humanly possible on my GOOD arm and my GOOD knee in some GOODFORNOTHING POOP.
4. It was NOT ME that grabbed my 8 year old son by the neck on the way down, in order to somehow catch myself and save my body from injury while attempting to kill or maim him in the process.
5. I'm SURE IT WAS NOT ME that started hollering and yelling about who the dumb*** was that left boards in the entryway for me to trip over and nearly kill myself as well as my small, innocent child.
5. I'm also fairly sure it was NOT ME that put the stupid boards there in the first place.
6. It was NOT ME that had to have help off the ground by my husband, who clearly must have pushed me from behind because he was laughing so hard he appeared guilty.
7. It also was NOT ME who (after begging my husband to feed the children since I was completely and utterly incapacitated in my recliner by now) decided to grab grabbed his hand as he walked past and get affectionate with it to show my utter gratitude, which caused him to pull back in feigned disgust, which then caused my own hand to whip back and essentially punch myself in the eye.
8. It was also NOT ME that wrote to all my friends and relatives and told them that my husband pushed me into a chicken coop and punched me in the eye, all while laughing hysterically with tears rolling down his face, and that if anything ever happened to me, to look under the shed. They might find my body there.
I think I have a head injury too... or NOT!
What about you? What did you NOT do lately?
For some good ol'fashioned Not Me! Monday "Therapy" head on over to MckMama's place.