Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Post in which she Cracks

ATTENTION ALL CHICKENS on my Farmette!
Hear ye, hear ye - for I am about to speak words of all seriousness and it may cause some sense of mayhem in the coop. Or should I say COUP! I know what you've been up to. You can't hide it from me any longer!

Some months ago, say, in JULY, I was presented with this little batch of surprises.

I did not request that you go forth and hide your business from me. For I am the keeper of the hutch... er... coop! Yea, but ye went forth and hid from me anyway. Hid from me eight fertile eggs, in which brought forth eight red-bellied piranhas! They are eating me out of house and home. Then, two of you went and got yourself chewed on by the WORLDS NAUGHTIEST DOG and now you are no more. I have five, count them FIVE piranhas roosters and one little pullet left. I shall no longer yell at your mother, for she is gone as well. Rest in peace, you fertile beast. See what happens when you hide things from your master?

Then, thinking I was only one pullet(another word for a young hen that isn't doing anything to pay for her keep yet) ahead of the game, I went and took up my Mother's offer to hatch some chicks in order to keep the egg-laying population alive and well and to keep my neighbors annoyed. (Not really, for they have hundreds of birds and they are not pretty like mine).


Here is proof.
See how this hen, even now, runs away in shame? She was hired to do her job, but still, can't look me in the eye. Now hear me, this is enough I say! Enough chicks for now, as we have plenty. The seven new chicks, barely 2 weeks old, will ALL be hens I am sure (for I prayed diligently) and this farmette, is complete.

Until Sunday. On Sunday we arrived home from our place of worship, expecting another peaceful afternoon doing farm type business and lo! Here is what awaited our arrival!
THIS hen, unable to hide her guilt any longer, came forth to beg for forgiveness.

GUILTY! For what we found alarmed and disappointed us.


She couldn't hide these ugly babies any longer, and it became clear to all generations that she was unfit to care for them. What kind of mother sits on her children?


And worse, who puts their children in a food dish? Was this delectable dish of chicken nuggets prepared for our cats? Or perhaps our dog? This small offering wouldn't even begin to suffice for there is no sauce!

As we all know, hens who do dishonorable deeds become highly offended by human contact. It is as if they know they have done wrong and they begin to attack those who are innocent. Such as evident in this photo. See how my precious daughter places her hand near the aggressive bird? Watch as she gets part of her hand torn off.


Well, usually hens do that. I suppose in this case, the hen does nothing but act interested because she is planning to give her ugly young up for adoption. I can not explain why this hen has mental issues and stays calm when people touch her and her filthy offspring of disgust.


See what I mean? This illigitimate spawn is nothing but horrifying to gaze upon.


Oh help us all! It is casting a spell! Don't look into the eyes!




Hark, for I feel a mysterious feeling coming over me!
Someone help me! I am completely powerless!

7 comments:

Miriam said...

Chicks up for adoption? You have one taker, at least, about two hours south of your undisclosed location.

Email me.

Your hens may be hussies for a reason! Namely to fill my egg cartons :)

Livy Renee said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... OMGOSH LEXIE YOU HAVE SUCH A WAY WITH WORDS!!!!

And at no point did I hear you pronounce as I suspected you might, 'NO MORE BABIES FOR THE LOVE OF PETE' whoever that is....

And they are wicked ugly birds... I couldn't imagine having one of those myself... *whispering* If I were home, I'd ask David to assist you by allowing me to take some of those babies off of your hands... I mean really, how much ugly should one farm chick be subjected to? I feel compassion for your situation. LOL Livy

Tracy said...

Hilarious! Wow, that is one busy momma! Imagine her trying to hide those babies like that! lol

Thanks for your great suggestion about "the list". I love it! It will no doubt be an encouragement on those days that are less than blissful. ; )

Blessings,
Tracy

peggy said...

I loved that! See your chickens are so loved ,she went off to have more for you to love and care for,not to eat!

Now you will have a whole bunch running up to you when they see you,their little faces smiling the whole way!!
Love you,
Peggy

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

Awwwww you have quite a bunch there! Mine always end up "ate" unless I pen up the babies and put them under a light. Boohoo...
I love that dominecker hen! whooHooOo she is a beaut!
L
WISH YOU COULD TAKE A FEW MORE OF MY ROOSTERS...
AND HEY
YA WANT A CAT?
HEEHEE

Agent K said...

Alright, what is in the water at your place? I can't get mine to lay eggs to save their lives. Punks.

Say, can I adopt some of your spawn? Maybe they will lay eggs for me....hmm.

Amydeanne said...

mmmmmmmmmm tastes like chicken! lol

too cute! love the last picture the best! but i assume they grow fast! lol like my puppies!
i need chickens. do you still have them in the inter? (is it even cold in your end of the world?)