Thursday, September 4, 2008

How it REALLY went down

If you're looking for my Word Filled Wednesday post... it's downstairs. You know, below this post.

So... a few days back, I gave you a little glimpse into how I thought our first days of school would go. And here, is how it really went down.

First day of school:
I woke up only two of my kids, because for some reason only 50 percent of my heirs had to go to school that day. The other 50 percent slept in because I didn't want to be bothered with them getting in the way of the half that was actually trying to get somewhere.

They woke up to the smell of my own new recipe. It was a knock off from The Pioneer Woman's "Mystery Rolls" (more about some of her recipes I've tried later) but basically I subbed out everything savory and added everything sweet - thank you to Pampered Chef's Sweet Caramel Sprinkle . Either way you make it, your family members will each gain five pounds, but they will love you for it anyway. Really, it's a sinful food, but God made all the ingredients, so I'm thinking he meant for us to eat food this good. Plus, it's super easy and quick so I could do it while I was half asleep. We'd had a FANTABULOUS time at Family Camp the weekend before, and with my sleep debt increasinly growing, I needed easy!

Along with the delightfully sweet Mystery Rolls, I provided milk. Too bad only half of my awake kids even liked milk. I should have made a trip to the store for juice or something. I did give them some fruit, and I offered to cook eggs or bacon but they just gave me that blank stare that meant I was venturing out there just a little too far for a school day.

After breakfast, they got dressed into the clothes they'd laid out the night before. Unfortunately, I neglected to actually CHECK and see what my daughter had laid out, because she came downstairs in a t-shirt that she was really proud of but her mother was not. It was the sentimental "last day of school" shirt from fourth grade that all the kids had signed in black permanent marker. She thought it might be cool to wear the same shirt to school two days in a row or something, and in my home that's not allowed. Goodness, what would the Parent Club have to say at their next meeting? What if they thought my kids needed clothes or something? What if it hadn't even got WASHED yet?!?! No - march right back upstairs young lady, and put on something that I PAID for. I paid good money for those cutesy wootsy new tops, and by golly you're gonna wear one and I don't care if you hate them. You didn't hate them when you were begging me to put them in my shopping cart now didja? Matter of fact if you hate them, I might as well take them all back, and put the money in your college fund. If your college fund even existed, it would probably pay for your first full week! Arguments are futile at my house because I simply make no sense.

So, only one more additional trip upstairs for a wardrobe change and she was good to go. She was mad, but that doesn't matter. It's all about what other parents think you are like that matters. She is young, I just can't expect her to understand.

In the meanwhile, teeth were brushed, hair was spritzed and combed down (because last night's bath did a number on Pirate Boy's growing hair.) (Did you know that Pirate Boy is refusing hair cuts because he's pretty sure he'll look dang good with pirate HAIR?) (Did you know I'm letting him enjoy his individuality?) Anyway, it's all coming off soon. I'm just not sure how soon. Maybe once the Parent Club calls to see if we need a scholarship to the barber shop.

I packed the kids' lunches, with somewhat healthy food, but since I refused to buy new lunch boxes (or in our case bags) one kid ended up taking his lunch in a plastic Cabella's shopping bag because we couldn't find last years lunch supplies and he wasn't enthused with using his sister's pink one.

I did manage to get the kids into their new hoodies (because it was cold out!) before we stumbled out the door. We didn't make the bus, because that time had long come and gone but that's ok, I had planned to drive them anyway. (Just play along here) Unfortunately, I spent all my time taking care of others, and therefore was not presentable as a "mother who walks her kid to their class" so my kids were a bit bummed that I was only going to drop them off at the door and make a hasty exit. Kisses, hugs, I love you and have a great day at school! Hopefully nobody would notice me in my medusa hair and secret spy glasses.

When I got home, I did some exercise. Or rather, I walked to the end of the driveway to retrieve the garbage can. Just then, the school bus came around the corner, lights flashing and she prepared to stop. As I waved her on (goodness sakes, the kids were IN class and the tardy bell rang already!) she waved back, and fourteen high school students got to see me at my finest. It was probably like a slow motion horror show for them, but hey - I'm keeping it real.

I went straight back in the house (before anyone else stopped by), walked right past my excercise bike and crawled back in bed. Happy First Day of School! But wait...

My kids woke up to me hollering that they'd better hurry up and get ready or they're gonna miss the bus. They all meandered into the kitchen, where I attacked them for not getting their chores done the night before. My daughter proceeded to get the dishwasher unloaded and my son hid on the couch in the pile of clean laundry. Sometime later, they were all dressed in presentable clothing. I realized now that they DO care what the other kids think about them, so they are making an effort to look and smell clean. Not sure if they brushed their teeth or not, but who cares, they can do it tonight. I did comb Pirate Boy's hair, because it was looking pretty freakish and I didn't want people to tease him.

There were actually socks in everyone's drawers. How they got there I'll never know, but that helped speed things along a bit. I only had one taker for a packed lunch, so I got busy and here is what he went to school with:
In a nice shiny new lunch bag, he got a turkey and cheese sandwich. Crusts attached. I'm like that. A few crinkle cut slices of cucumber, some leftover steamed carrots from last night (right out of the garden, yes ma'am!) with a sprinkle of brown sugar on top so he'll actually eat them. A black cherry yogurt and a little handful of wheat thins crackers. I sent him out the door to the bus with a granola bar for breakfast. Poor little tyke spent too much time hiding in the laundry pile and missed his opportunity for chocolate covered sugar bombs and spilled juice. No wonder he's so thin.

I refused to let my daughters get out the door without doing their chores and they were a bit miffed at me. They gave me looks. They muttered things under their breath. I feigned a hearing impairment. Then, uncharacteristically, I told my younger daughter that I'd take her to school so she could just relax. She relaxed. She relaxed too much... I secretly wanted her to make it to the bus on time but there was no way this would happen. I kept watching for the bus, but it hadn't come yet, so eventually I sent my last slave-child out the door, happy I didn't have to drive because as we know, I'd been taking care of everyone else again and Medusa was alive and well.

Some 10 minutes later, a Pirate Boy came bounding into the house. *Sigh* MOMMMM, the bus is taking TOOO long! I grabbed my keys and my phone, put on my daughters clogs (HEY, she's always stealing my shoes!) and went out to start the suburban. My vehicle was suddenly overwhelmed with grateful children all urging me to HURRY. Gee, I thought, what a turn of events.

I dropped off the frantic middle schooler (but not after rolling down the window and hollering out in front of the 20 kids outside the school, "We LOVE you Sister!! Have a beautiful day!!) (Is it any surprise that she completely ignored me and just kept walking straight for the door?), then off to the elementary school where there was a traffic jam, and then back home. It doesn't take long, but with the price of fuel, I'd rather let the bus stop in front of my house than drive my beast of a car around town. I got home, parked the car and like clockwork the school bus came around the corner, slowed down in front of our house and 14 high school kids gaped, open-mouthed, at the sight they beheld. For today, I was in bright blue workout pants, a hot pink t-shirt, medusa hair AND no bra. This, my friends, was the highlight of my week.


Toni said...

Really, it's a sinful food, but God made all the ingredients, so I'm thinking he meant for us to eat food this good.- I'm going to remember that one!!!

I really hate that hectic time in the morning. But that peace and quiet after everyone is out the door is heavenly.

I remember that peace and quiet. In fact, I sometimes fantasize about it. I am going to experience it again in about three years.

Misty said...

i hate mornings in general...

The pioneer woman has some amazing recipes. (and a few I can't stand) I want to be extra brave and make her cinnamon rolls.

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

I went to the store today and forgot to buy some yeast... I am so gonna make some cinnamon rolls now. But that pampered chef caramel sprinkle stuff sounds fab! Breakfast of champions my dear! Especially with a glass of moojuice. ;)
Your little darlins must be a blast.
Do you REALly look like Medusa in thee mornings? I REALly look like a troll. I'm not kiddin if I had bright pink hair... Id be a troll.
Oh well... I yam what I yam right?

Melanie said...

Ahhh... I can see we all pretty much feel the same way about mornings once school has started? ;)

Have a great weekend!

Ricky Danger said...

Well at least we know if we can't find you in one neighborhood, you'll always be here in your blog.

You are missed. =) Livy

Farm Chick Paula said...

Oh my Lord, I can see this happening...
Not with you of course- I know you have everything UNDER CONTROL at all times.

*snicker* (giggle) *snort*