Thursday, August 28, 2008

Confessions and 100th Post

So today, without even noticing, I missed one of my favorite weekly activities: Word Filled Wednesday. I thought that the ONE time I missed it, on accident (NOT while on vacation - the away from home kind of vacation) that nobody would notice. Heck, I barely batted an eye. After all, it was just once. But today (and I know, technically it was YESTERDAY) I missed it completely!

I just now remembered. And it's Thursday already. Well, 59 minutes into it (give or take). Come to think of it, the garbage was supposed to go out to the street last night, because not only is Wednesday a WORD filled day, but it's also garbage day. We missed that too. I say WE, because I'm generally not the one to take the rolling cart to the edge of the road in the middle of the night (unless Mr Nice Guy is hospitalized and I'm feeling sorry for him), I'm just the one who nags gripes reminds gently. I guess that explains it then. I missed my cue! I'm so not to blame for this. I mean, really...

I keep telling myself that next week everything will be back to NORMAL. The kids are headed back to school (thank you JESUS!) and even my youngest will spend a few hours away from his blissfully free lonely Mommy.


Here's how my week will look in the near future:

ON MONDAY: The children will arise to the heavenly smell of baking biscuits, which they will devour with blackberry honey and any number of freshly picked fruit or berries from our surrounding gardens. Juice or milk, whichever they desire, will flow freely into their nice clean glasses and bacon (turkey, of course) will tease their tastebuds into a delightful sense of awakefulness as will the farm fresh eggs cooked to order. Coordinating outfits laid out on the floor in "kid" shapes the night before will be put upon freshly washed bodies. Hair combed neatly. Teeth brushed squeaky clean. Lunches packed before I went to bed early the evening before will be taken from the refrigerator and placed in the well organized backpacks. Spiffy new jackets will adorn my four precious youngsters as they wave goodbye to me while I stand on the front porch in my workout gear and my new pair of Nike's. My second cup of coffee in hand, and my granola breakfast and banana eaten, I make my way to our "workout room" and spend 20 minutes on my stationary recumbent bike. What a great feeling... I haven't seen my bike since last Christmas.


By FRIDAY:

The kids wake up to the sound of me hollering for the umpteenth time to get up or miss the bus and by the way I'm not driving them because it's nice weather and they can walk themselves to school. They trudge to the kitchen, the eldest child pours them all huge bowls of chocolate covered sugar bombs into somewhat clean bowls and dribbles over them whatever was left at the bottom of the milk carton. After pouring drinks, one of them will inevitably knock a cup of of juice over on the table, where they will then all proceed to watch as it spills off onto the floor in slow motion. Then they will all get up, walk through the juice and slop their way into the bathroom where they will yank a brush only halfway through their hair, making sure to leave more hair in the sink than on their heads. Then one by one, they will put a toothpasteless toothbrush in their mouths, if they remember to actually pick one up, and then proceed smoosh it around on their gums for six seconds. After that, they will spend a great deal of time bickering over whose brush is whose, and someone will end up crying that their hair things are in the wrong place and SOMEONE STOLE THEM. My youngest will retrieve his toothbrush from the toilet, where it fell in the commotion, and he will gingerly place it where his sisters toothbrush belongs, and they will all proceed to get dressed.

After looking in the dryer seven times for a matching pair of socks, an executive decision is handed down that all children will be wearing summer sandals as a special surprise for the day. Much huffing and whining takes place as they go to the deck to knock the beach sand from their sandals and then finish getting dressed. The sandals fit exceptionally well now that their feet have a sticky coating from who knows what. There is good news. Stripes and florals, accompanied by plaids are perfectly acceptable now, especially when it's all you've got left in the closet, so we got off easy. The bad news is that one son has no clean underwear and he's scratching at himself rather curiously. I stop to ponder when he got his last bath, but the date escapes me.

The school bus is heard coming down the next road, so I hysterically begin handing out backpacks and signing forgotten permission slips. As my son wanders around looking for his lunchbox, I steer him out the door with the others and sweetly tell them that they had lunch money left over from last year so as a treat they can buy lunch at school. They wave at me as I throw their jackets at them on their way down the drive. Good Bye. Have a nice day. I love you!

I slam the door quickly so the bus driver won't have to see my t-shirted, bra-less, medusa-haired horror show and the pup-tent sized pajama pants that are the fashion mistake of the century. I open the door back up a tiny sliver, just to make sure they actually GOT on the bus and that none of them were crying, and then I heave a giant sigh of relief. I walk back through the kitchen, curse the coffeemaker that has 3 day old grounds sitting in the filter and make a detour for the "workout room". Mysteriously, the recumbent bike has gotten lost under the avalanche from Mt. Washmore. Who's idea was it to shove excercise equipment in my laundry room anyway?? As if!

So, defeated and exhausted, I head to my cozy oversized recliner, pull up a laptop, and hunt down my favorite blogs. It's probably all I need to get me up and going for the day. I'm thinking that my "getting up and going" will happen sometime around 3:30 in the afternoon, when I hear that school bus coming down the next road, but that's our little secret.

12 comments:

Misty said...

we just skip Monday and head to friday's way of living...
less disappointment...

Amydeanne said...

arising to the heavenly smell of bisquets.. oh can I be your kid? hahaha

and if it makes you feel anybetter I missed WFW this week too (visiting anyhow) my dog ran out in front of the van W morning and got hit... nothing worse than running over your own dog who just had pups... ya.. our week... :(

Grandma Dora the Explorer said...

How do you wirite it like that? I was right there with you (them) seeing expressions and all. Laughing so hard tears ran down BOTH sides of my face ...

Havin' a little trouble there, son?

Bwaahaahaa ho ho ho. *snicker*
Happy school daze.

Belinda said...

This is seriously fantastic. Great post!

Nancie said...

We missed you at Word-Filled Wednesday! Thanks for visiting me. Arise to the heavenly smell of baking biscuits which are to be devoured with blackberry honey and any number of freshly picked fruit or berries from your surrounding gardens sounds so wonderful! Praying with you and family for God's strength, grace and strength in the weeks ahead. Take care!

Ricky Danger said...

LOL, You know, that first explanation of how your day was going to be, put me to shame. I'm too lazy to pick Vermont (pinky nail sized) black berries from my yard and then make some glaze out of them... (chances are the berries would sit so long on my counter top, they would mold before I thought to do something with them).

My kids get some sausage bisquit from Cosco for breakfast and maybe a bowl of cereal if they get it themselves.

Of course we home school so the drama of an abrupt departure from the house is void here... won't ever complain about that. I don't have to get up at 6:00 am, defrost my car, scrape the 3' of snow off the windshield and proceed to bundle everybody up like, oh who's that little kid in that Christmas movie that can't bend his arms once he's been dressed for a blizzard?

Anyway... babies are so cute... they are born 'deceitful'... you see peace on their tiny faces when you 'visit' them... but by God when you bring one of those critters home, they spit on you, pee on you, spill on you, cry and yell at you, pull your hair, earrings, suck on your jewlery, wake you up at all hours of the day and night, trying to dress them is like trying to put plastic pants on a chicken (never tried that myself but I have a vivid imagination), later they ask for hot baths with their clothes on, get mad when you put their Luke Skywalker under-roos on 'frontwards' and they want them backwards so they can see the life saver wielding hero on the front of their hooter... which to be honest, makes sense in a mildly disturbing way... you know, I've only made to age level 8 thus far... I must confess, the pre-teen stage has me ready for a straight jacket and a padded room. Either that or a tazer to knock out my off spring until at least 21...

I hope you have a fantastic school year Lexie. I love you. Livy

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

Boy oh boy oh boy! THAT sure brought back memories. LOL
I had forgotten what it's like and yup that pretty well described it to a t. Must say, your biscuits n bacon n eggs sounded great. Whats blackberry honey? DO TELL!
L

Anonymous said...

Oh Monday sounds like a tv show,and friday sounds like how it is,yeah thats life,and we love it!
Love you and how you write things!
Peggy

Miriam said...

How's the week going? Do tell!

We are LOVING our first week of homeschool :)

Meg said...

That is absolutely hilarious and it definitely reminds me of all the times I've started out with great intentions only to let everything slide when life caught up to me. Thank you for such an amusing and refreshing break this morning.

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