Call this the vent of the month. I don't WANT to know if I'm a selfish jerk, but if I am, maybe you can break it to me ever so sweetly, so as not to make me cry from self-induced baby whiny head pre-pms phenomena. (It's my birthday, I can cry if I wanna?) By the way, I don't like shell fish. I'm not allergic, I just don't like it.
Also, if I talk about you, but don't mention your name, don't think it's too weird, ok? I just need to get this off my chest - and not stab anyone, yet protect the innocent.
I'm really struggling with the need, no, the DESIRE to take care of others and yet protect my family from being taken care OF (as in, taken to the cleaners) by others. I don't mind letting people help me mop. I don't mind asking for favors if I need them. I don't mind GIVING favors. Matter of fact I kinda-really like to do that. But if you really need something from me, please do me the favor of abstaining from allowing others to walk all over you first, put you in the poor house, ruin everything you own, wreck (or destroy by other methods) 5 cars, and then ask ME for more. And more. It doesn't sit well with me. It makes me feel bitter and used. I don't want to be bitter today. YOU don't want me to be bitter today.
Dear Unnamed Person,
I'm sorry you're stuck at a service shop without a vehicle to drive. I'm sorry it has to be in Newport while your son is in Albany. He can't rescue you from everything. Make some friends. Or are they already refusing to help? Is it pride that causes you to call on your son to help you out of everything, instead of calling someone else that hasn't already had third degree family burns from this mess? It's not our fault that you allowed your youngest child to cost you every penny. We gave you lots of pennies when we bought the farm that would have had you very happily enjoying your retirement right about now. We didn't tell you to buy her another car every time she munched one up, or drove like such a maniac that she blew engines and transmissions. We didn't tell you to pay for all her bad checks, her broken wheels, her groceries, cigarettes or her legal expenses. We told you this would happen.
By the way it really ticked your son off when he brought us home from our trip over the weekend to find another broken down car sitting expectantly in our driveway on OUR car trailer that you borrowed when we weren't home. Thanks for leaving messages on our phones to come pick you up from wherever when you knew we weren't even in town. Geez. What do other people do when stuff like this happens?
It really bothered me that you called me today, all in a huff about being stuck at a dealership because something is wrong with your last surviving vehicle and it has to be in the shop for awhile and it has to cost $2000 to fix and you don't even have money to borrow anymore. I'm sorry, really I am, at your predicament. I don't know why you asked me to call your son, instead of just ask me for my car. I know it's what you want. I know you can't ask me because you know what I'll say.
I feel like such a jerk. I know I offered to loan my vehicle out just last week to a good friend of mine. I totally, and completely meant it. Heck, I'd probably let her borrow it for a month if she REALLY NEEDED ME. Why is this any different? Aren't we supposed to take care of our family? Happily? That sermon a couple weeks back about taking care of our aging parents is really getting to me. What exactly is "taking care of"? Is there a limit? Are all boundaries, and personal space out the window? What about "leave and cleave"? I'm so confused... I'm so torn... I'm so proud of Mr Nice Guy for saying over the phone... "Enterprise will pick you up"
I died laughing.
Until he called me back and said we were going over to pick your sorry self up as soon as he could get home. And we'd pick your truck up. And pick your husband up from work so he isn't inconvenienced. And, he's going to bring your truck back here, and park it next to your car while you enjoy driving my car around and we have to fork it out big time for using our Suburban as a commuter car until your son can fix one or the other of your vehicles ASAP. I feel sick. Why does this not make me feel good? We're doing you a favor. A HUGE ENORMOUS GIGANTIC favor. I should feel wonderful about being so giving, so sacrificial and so... so... *sigh*
Basically, it's my birthday and I had different plans. I'm a selfish jerk - or a shellfish blurk, however you wanna say it.